Book 2: Boys Will Be Boys: The Glory Days and Party Nights of the Dallas Cowboys Dynasty

Yee-haw y’all! Remember the drama of Aikman, Irvin, Smith and Prime Time? Well strap yourselves in because Jeff Pearlman has pulled together every heart-wrenching story of hard knocks, pathetic losses, glorious plays and unbelievably scandalous behavior to deliver the thrilling, and often hilarious, story of the Dallas Cowboys dynasty of the 1990s.

Pearlman knows his audience well enough to start off with a bang. Did you know that at training camp in 1995 Michael Irvin stabbed a teammate in the neck with a pair of scissor? Over his place in the line to get his haircut? There is no more perfect metaphor for the downhill slide of the once mighty Cowboys who, by 1995, were showing the effects of three Super Bowl wins in four years, as well as all of the hard partying that accompanied it.

In 1989 the Dallas Cowboys were a dismal, but well-respected franchise. Dismal because of the team’s mediocre talent, respected because of Coach Tom Landry, who, despite many losses, was well loved for both his record and his hard-working Christian ethics. The face of the franchise was changed forever when the team was bought by devilish Arkansas oilman Jerry Jones, who immediately fired Landry and replaced him with University of Miami coach Jimmy Johnson, who was known less for his hard work and more for his helmet hair and the unabashed thuggery of his players.

Johnson and Jones represented a completely new way of football, one that allowed for players to party as hard on the field as they played on. And no disrespect to Landry, but Johnson was a new kind of coach, one who did not care about the race of his players. In an era where college coaches recruited black men, just not too many of them, Johnson was only interested in talent, no matter the package. He was also a brilliant drafter/trader of players. In some of his first acts as head coach, he drafted Troy Aikman and traded the legendary Herschel Walker for a bushel of veteran journeymen and high draft picks. Despite a losing first season (1-15!), Johnson built a team on the shoulders of future Hall of Famer's quarterback Troy Aikman, running back Emmitt Smith and receiver Michael Irvin.

It’s clear that Johnson and Jones were well aware of the Cowboys off the field antics with drugs, alcohol, strippers and prostitutes. Jones’ own love of booze and whores frequently saw him partying as hard, and often with the same women, as his players. Johnson, despite a love for drinking, only cared about winning. As long as players were on time, alert, and practiced hard, he didn’t care what they did at night. Michael Irvin was widely praised for being able to drink and fuck all night, but still be the first and last person at practice and in the weight room. Johnson was a tyrant of a coach, but the kind of tyrant who could mold players into champions. Under his tutelage the Cowboys won two consecutive Super Bowls, in 1991 and 1992.

The bizarre antics of the Cowboys did not just stop at cocaine and hookers. Defensive back Charles Haley, already crazy when he played with the 49ers, went insane in Dallas. He was known for masturbating in the locker room and in team meetings, saying things to his teammates like, “You know you want to suck it.” Now stop. Go back and read that sentence again.

Haley was not the only Cowboy with a legendary member and sexual appetite. Team members frequented the finest strip clubs in Dallas, but one they became notorious around the city, they started their own house of ill repute, known as the White House, in a quiet Dallas suburb. Within the White House Cowboy players could bring strippers, prostitutes and groupies for an orgy of sex, drugs and booze. Michael Irvin was well known for orchestrating sexual scenarios, by instructing women, in ones, twos, and threes, on what to do to specific teammates. Irvin and another player, Erik Williams were both later arrested for sexual assault (Irvin’s second arrest; after his first, for drug possession, he came to court in a floor-length mink coat). They were not convicted.

Do not think that the sum of the Cowboys was scandal. Much of Pearlman’s book in dedicated to their amazing play on the field. Non-football fans should not be afraid; Pearlman writes about games with great passion and in language that laymen can follow. If you do not watch football, you will still understand what happened in the game for the Cowboys to win, or lose.

For each of the players highlighted, and there are far more than just the stars of the team, we learn about their childhood, high school and college career, and what brought the to football and the Cowboys. Each story is simple and short, but it turns each player into a full human being, and not just a coke-snorting millionaire caricature. Pearlman also shares a lot of feel-good stories of the players’ charity, and not to just the standard groups of sick kids, but to other Cowboys staff and players. A standout story is that of cornerback Larry Brown. Days after his son Kristopher was born premature, doctors discovered that the infants brain had dissolved. The Browns chose to pull the plug, and in desperation of what to do and how to act, Brown took a private jet to play with his team that Sunday. On arrival, he found his teammates on the filed with “KB” stickers on their helmets. Brown played that day and the Cowboys won, dedicating the rest of their season to his son.

Brown’s story is incredibly touching, as he, a workmanlike player but no star, went on to become a Cowboy hero and MVP of their final Super Bowl win in 1995. After Super Bowl XXVIII, Jerry Jones was fed up with Coach Jimmy Johnson taking what he felt should be shared credit for the Cowboys’ back to back wins, and fired him. He replaced Johnson with Barry Switzer, former coach of the University of Oklahoma Sooners, who had been forced to resign in disgrace.

Switzer was both a wonderful and terrible fit for the Cowboys. His relaxed “we’re all friends here” attitude was a relief to a team that had suffered under Johnson’s tyranny, but Switzer had a lot less coaching acumen. On top of that, he loved wine, women and song as much as his players and boss. It was in the Switzer era that the White House opened, that players started getting arrested (for assault, for DUIs, for drugs), and that egos went unchecked. Coach Switzer didn’t care if players were late to practice or slept through meetings. He supported Jones’ hiring of Deion “Prime Time” Sanders, a man so talented that he could afford to be lazy in practice, which set a bad example for the younger members of the team.

Most importantly, Switzer could not form a positive relationship with Aikman. Aikman felt that Switzer was a fool and a patsy for Jones, and that many team losses were his fault (all true). Switzer also made the grave mistake of punishing Aikman for accusations of racism by an assistant coach (whose pump had been primed by Sanders), which split the locker room in half. On one side were Aikman and his best friend and team brother, Michael Irvin, as well as all of the veteran players who followed them, on the other were Sanders and the younger players who admired his skill and flashy ways. It was a schism that the team did not recover from.

In Switzer’s first season the Cowboys made the playoffs, but did not advance past the first round. In his second year, the Cowboys made the Super Bowl. For this Super Bowl the Cowboys invented the “Port-A-Skank” concept, by hiring limos to bring favorite prostitutes from Dallas to Tempe, Arizona, so as not to fall prey to local, untrustworthy women. Super Bowl XXX is also noteworthy for the poor play of the Cowboys in the face of the Pittsburgh Steelers, as well as being the first big game the team had played in front of an audience that was not primarily Dallas backers, The tide had turned against “America’s Team” and they one mainly due to mistakes made by the Steelers, as well as several important interceptions by cornerback Larry Brown.

After Super Bowl XXX the team was in a downward spiral. Jones finally faced the truth, that his old friend and new drinking buddy Switzer was simply not equipped to run a team. It was widely discussed with the amount of talent on the Cowboys, anyone could have coached them to a Super Bowl win. Switzer resigned (he and Johnson are now both professional sports analysts), and was replaced by an even more incompetent coach, Chan Gailey. Stars Aikman and Irvin were forced to retire by injuries. Jones, convinced he was a drafting genius, continued to overpay for underperformers. The dynasty was done.

Pearlman’s book is largely compiled from interviews with over 100 former Cowboys players, including Michael Irvin, and coaches, including Johnson and Switzer, and even owner Jerry Jones. Unfortunately, he does not cite his interviews, but does include citations for hundreds of articles and other media. His writing style is relaxed enough to keep the book moving at a quick pace, but there is no analysis present. Pearlman does not deal in great metaphors, he tells a story.

Occasionally, Pearlman’s easygoing style is a little disconcerting. In our post-Sports Guy world of sports writing, Pearlman falls prey to the desire to have a conversation with his readers, rather than reporting to them. For example, on Michael Irvin, “Did he love sleeping with two, three, four, five (yes five) women at a time in precisely choreographed orgies? Yes.” Parenthetical asides like that one are sprinkled liberally throughout the book, and although they do create an atmosphere of camaraderie and amazement with the author, they also serve to force the reader out of the narrative in a very annoying way.

What really stands out about Pearlman’s writing is his humor. It is clear that he is a fan of his subjects (particularly Aikman), but that does not stop him from being critical about his subjects, on and off the field. When they are bad, he punishes them, but he does so with such overall good humor that the book does not feel like a grudge or polemic. With chapter titles like “Nut-Huggers”, “Anal Probe” and “Super Bowl XXX (aka: Attack of the Skanks)”, it is impossible not to laugh along with Pearlman. Luckily, as with those bad, bad Cowboys, there is a lot of heart here too. Enough heart to be a saving grace.